If there is something I can be proud about myself when it comes into relationships, it would be the fact that I never played with the feelings of my boyfriend. With the past relationships I had, three to be exact, I dont remember myself two-timing, playing around, or just doing things for fun. I dont know why but I just dont cant bare to fool around just for the sake of fun or enjoyment.
So, how really am I as girlfriend?
Well, if I would rate my self, I would confidently go for 9/10. I believe that as a girlfriend, I do my best to make the relationship work. I give the best of me to let my partner feel how much I love him and how much I treasure the relationship with him. I am a very affectionate person. I dont just tell my boyfriend the three magical words but I prove it to him. I love giving hugs and kisses. I write long messages always. Aside from the fact that writing is my forte, I just love the feeling of telling my boyfriend my wishes for the both of us. It’s when I am writing that I can think of everything about us. It’s when I am writing that allows me to tell to him things I cant say whenever we’re together. It’s probably because when we’re together, all I can think of is how to make every second worthwhile.
As a girlfriend, I have a lot of insecurities. Although I trust him, it’s myself that I dont trust enough. I am afraid that I will not meet his needs and that I wont be enough for him. It may sound too crazy, but that’s really me. Oftentime, I would ask my boyfriend why he chose me, what he liked about me, if he’s happy with me, if he has regrets on courting me, and a lot more. I guess this is because of my lack of confidence. Although I know in myself that I am giving my best, there are really just time that I end up asking myself whether or not I am able to meet the needs of my boyfriend.
Regarding arguments, the blame always goes to me. It’s because I tend to provoke my boyfriend. Even it’s just a simple issue that doesnt need any explanation, I go beyond the limit. I ask and ask and ask and accuse and irritate and so the fight starts. What makes it even funnier is it’s always me who asks for an apology. I am the kind of girl who has issues with swallowing pride, you know. However, there are also times that I would admit my fault, most especially when my boyfriend would tell me that I am just overthinking and overrreacting and that I am just putting meaning or malice on simple things.
As a girlfriend, I always think of a long-term commitment and even forever. As a girlfriend, I give my love and trust wholeheartedly. As a girlfriend, I give everything I have to give. It’s because when I love, I dont see the consequences of giving too much and loving too much. As long as I am happy with him, everything is fine. But I always end up wrong. I always end up crying. I always end up asking myself what went wrong.
It’s funny how love can turn a person’s world upside down. It’s funny how love can cause happiness and sadness. So amazing how love can change a person. Love made my world turn upside down, love made me happy and sad, and love changed me.
Despite everything that happened to me, I still have faith in love. I still have faith that in God’s time, I will be the right girlfriend to my right boyfriend. I am certain that as long as I wait, I will meet him. I may have been hurt for several times, but I know that I will meet someone who will fix these broken pieces of my heart, someone who will make me feel that I am the best girlfriend on earth.